~ sad day ~

Friday was supposed to be an exciting, happy day for us.  I had my first doctor's appointment with the OB and I was looking forward to hearing a healthy heartbeat.  When the doctor did the exam she couldn't find a heartbeat, so she sent me for an ultrasound.  The ultrasound revealed  that, although I was supposed to be a little over eleven weeks pregnant, our baby didn't make it past week seven.  No heartbeat.  It was devastating, but that doesn't really explain my feelings about it.  I can't really put it into words.

The medical facts are that our baby died around the seventh week but my body wasn't showing any signs of miscarriage.  I had two options: Surgery or take a medication that would help my body miscarry.  I chose the medication.  I took one dose last night, and the process started within about four hours (about 3:30 this morning).  There is, of course, both physical and emotional pain, but overall, I think I'm doing as well as can be expected.

I go back to the OB doctor on Monday so they can check my progress and give me a RhoGAM shot (I'm RH-negative).  I need to continue with the gestational diabetes regimen until the placenta has exited my body because the placenta is what causes a pregnant person's body to become insulin resistant.  I will also check in with the GD doctor on Monday. 

Our lights went out last night, so we filled the room with candles.  This candle lit up a picture frame that I got for my birthday from a friend.  I thought it fit the day, so I snapped a photo of it.

This morning, B. sat on my tummy and said, "Baby in there?  Mommy's got a baby in her tummy?"  I paused and then just said "No."  Then she said, "It's gone?".