Saturday, May 5, 2012

~ grieving, but grateful ~

I cannot begin to express how unbelievably sad I am these days.  I do not want to do a damn thing.  I will likely need medication before all of this is over.  I'm worried about my oldest daughter and her husband having to deal with losing a child.  I'm worried about my youngest daughter.  She is saying and doing things that show she is beginning to put the puzzle pieces together -- and doesn't really want those that she loves out of her sight because they might not come back (those are my words, our observations).  I'm also worried about my parents and my one true love.  Somewhere in there, is me.  I should've been bringing home a new baby this week, instead I buried my granddaughter.

But I am also grateful.  My daughter and her husband have been separated since December.  Even with that, they have been so together with all of the decisions that they have had to make this week.  It's been amazing to watch.  They are so young and so brave and so wise at times.  I deeply wish that they did not have to go through this, and I am thankful that they have each other.

One thing I have learned is that my family and friends (old, new, and virtual) are wonderful people, and for that I am grateful.  We've had phone calls from friends as far away as Arizona, and daily visits from those in close proximity.  Messages left on Facebook.  Every day we receive a nice bundle of cards in the mail (post office and email).  We've had flowers and food delivered, even as recent as yesterday (with the comment, "After about a week, you need some new food.")!  People have gifted money to the family for expenses and for Mikaela's memorial fund.  It's overwhelming and beautiful.

Julie, a blogging friend that I've 'known' (virtually) for such a short time, has remembered us several times on her blog.  This first post of remembrance reminds me that Mikaela knows how much she was and still is loved.  Thank you Julie for your kind words.  Thank you for sending your readers our way.  All of their kind words have meant so much.

The ladies over at Club CK, helped me out when I was having an adhesive emergency.  :-) I've seen some of their names pop up in the comments with kind words attached as well.

My flickr friends have also embraced Mikaela's memory.  My (virtual) friend, delileh! started a flickr group in Mikaela's memory!  This group has been asked to support us by taking photographs with a "heart" in memory of Mikaela.  That group can be found here.

Thank you so much for your comments and kind words.  They mean so much at this time.  I leave you with one of my favorite pictures.  My daughter and her daughter, Mikaela, taken about two weeks before Mikaela left us.


  1. You are in my daily prayers my friend... I cannot stop thinking about your beautiful angel! {{{hugs}}} and lots of love my dearest!

  2. I truly can not imagine what life is like for you or your family right now! My heart is still heavy since I read your post! You have been in my thoughts!